Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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