Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
