I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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