What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
