I checked into jail on foursquare
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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