i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
