My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
