I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
