Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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