I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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