I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
