I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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