I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
