Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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