It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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