How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
