The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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