I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize