my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
