She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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