I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
