Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You've changed since you got that strap on
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
