But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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