they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
