i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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