I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
its not stalking. its research.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
