Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
