just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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