i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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