I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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