Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
