if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
