considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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