Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
