I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
