This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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