He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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