Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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