Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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