I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
