Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
