Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
