Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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