It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
