Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
