The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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