I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
