tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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