I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I could fuck to npr.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
