his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
