White coat. Heels.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
