So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
