Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
