margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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