it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
