Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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