forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
