I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize