I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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