Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
