just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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