I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
